When did you start writing?

For many writers, this is the silliest question you could ask them. Like asking a dog when she started

Zoe, Professional Butt Sniffer

sniffing butts. 'Always. I've always sniffed butts,' the dog says, quirking its head in that delightful doggy way at you.

I moved a lot as a kid, and so books were my constant. My dad would read westerns to us before bed; books he loved and we were just happy to be along for the ride. 'We' being my sister and me. But how did one of us become a teacher and the other a writer? We had the same(ish) childhood. We shared things like only sisters can. Me being younger I copied her every like and dislike. I only recently have embraced my long buried love for all things pink.

But I've always been a writer and reader. It's the little core part of your personality that you hold close and don't show to many people. It's the secret dream of a eight-year-old: I want to be a writer. It's too scary and impractical and ambitious to tell anyone, so you hold it close and let it bloom inside you.

You open up a word document on your family's first intimidatingly beige computer and write your first story. You write another about your cat and the dog you wished you had and their antics as heroes to the local wildlife. (That might be my most fantastical story to date because every cat I've ever had has been an unapologetic serial killer.) Every new book you read becomes inspiration. I realize now this was essentially my fan-fic era.

The Dragon Book

At twelve I shamelessly ripped off the Pern novels with my own Dragon Book. I'd spend hours on the floor of my room creating maps and drawings of dragons and entire casts of characters as I tried to write my first novel. Like many writers finding their footing, the world-building got in the way of the actual writing. It's okay, I loved it. At one point I took my dad's measuring tape out to our backyard to map how much space my favorite dragon Tyra would take up. (A fuck ton)

But, middle school and high school can be hard on us weird girls. I put away my books, painfully insecure and terrified at being 'different.' I read a lot, I knew how dangerous 'different' could be. I covered myself in a veneer of obnoxious confidence at school, then came home to my room I'd re-decorated to look like a desert camp from The Blue Sword. And then I'd pour myself into my make believe worlds.

I had secret languages. I had romance. I had girls that dressed as boys so they could fight for what they loved. I had talking animals. I had so, so, so many dragons. Each new story was pulling elements of my favorite books at the time. Redwall, Pern, The Golden Compass, The Song of the Lioness series.

So when did I start writing? When did I know I wanted to write? I think for a kid, it's a combination of needing those make-believe worlds when your real world is too intimidating. But there's also a bit of ego. As writers we read a good book, watch a mind-blowing movie, binge Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and we think, I can do that. Better.

So even as I outgrew some stories, stopped writing for years and years, and let the world tell me it was a pipedream, I carried that dim little flame inside that had sparked to life as a child. I want to be a writer. Sometimes it felt like a curse. But I could never let it go out.

I'm a writer, always have been, always will be.